


Recorders In E Major

by marzbarz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse of Memes, Bokuto has a mostly terrible sense of romance, Kuroo is a little shit, M/M, Oikawa is the sassmaster none can oppose him without intense aggravation, Polyamory, Recorder Ballads, Ushiwaka the go-between, being on the volleyball team is suffering, everyone but the threesome doesn't do much tbh, general ridiculousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 04:52:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6597502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marzbarz/pseuds/marzbarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto tries (and fails) to be romantic, Kuroo doesn't try at all, and Oikawa does not appreciate any of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recorders In E Major

**Author's Note:**

> So me and buddy of mine have been kicking an AU idea around where a bunch of our favorite Haikyuu!! characters all go to the same school and play on the same team and interact with each other regularly. Eventually that grew into dating each other, and then somehow we got on this bokurooi kick, and well. Here we are.
> 
> If you want more info on the universe this is set in, see  these  two  posts on my tumblr! And also the stuff in the  college au tag !

“I’m home,” Oikawa called out, dropping his backpack off his shoulder with a sigh and kicking his shoes off gracelessly. The apartment was dark, strange on a day Oikawa should have been the last one home, but he shrugged it off and headed for the kitchen. He stopped at the doorway, staring in surprise at the candlelight setup on the table, Kuroo standing to the side with a grin.

“Fancy,” Oikawa said with a smile, leaning against the wall and smiling. “What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing,” Kuroo said, gesturing for Oikawa to take a seat at the table. “Kou and I just wanted to do something nice for you.” 

“Mm? Then where’s Kou-chan?” Oikawa asked, starting to turn and look for their missing partner, but Kuroo caught his chin and planted a quick kiss on his lips. 

“He’ll be here in a minute. We learned something for you.” With that rather cryptic remark, Kuroo stepped back with a grin that gave Oikawa a bad feeling about what was coming.

Before Oikawa could ask any pointed questions, a familiar pair of arms wrapped around him as Bokuto pecked him on the cheek. “Welcome home!” Bokuto crowed, coming around to stand next to Kuroo with an excited smile. “We’re going to play you a song!”

Oikawa’s bad feeling intensified as Bokuto and Kuroo pulled recorders from behind their backs, took a deep breath, and began to play. Thus began the most excruciating 4 minutes of Oikawa’s life, as his boyfriends treated him to a painful recorder rendition of “My Heart Will Go On”. Every time he tried to escape he was herded back towards the table by Kuroo.

Finally, the performance was over, the last squeaky, out-of-tune note fading away. Oikawa didn’t spare a glance for Bokuto’s excited grin or Kuroo’s smirk, just grabbed his backpack and walked out of the apartment. He refused to deal with the pair of idiots any more that day.

Back in the apartment, Bokuto turned to Kuroo with a pout. “I thought you said he would like it, Tetsu!”

Kuroo shrugged, his smirk not fading. “Guess I was wrong. Sorry, Kou.”

Oikawa didn’t return to the apartment that night, which made Bokuto sad but was exactly what Kuroo had expected. They didn’t see their boyfriend again until volleyball practice the next day. They surprised the rest of the team by showing up extra early, but Oikawa arrived right on time and they didn’t get a chance to talk.

When Oikawa completely ignored the pair and started warming up by Ushijima and Aone instead, the rest of the third years immediately began gossiping. “What do you think happened this time?” Sawamura wondered, glancing at Oikawa.

“Probably something dumb,” Yaku muttered, shaking his head.

“That goes without saying,” Sugawara agreed. “It was probably Kuroo’s idea; he doesn’t look nearly as put out as Bokuto does about being ignored. He’s practically radiating smug satisfaction, really.”

“What are the chances some sort of meme is involved?” Sawamura asked hesitantly.

“100%,” Suga and Yaku responded immediately. Yaku shot a glare at his former captain. “Kuroo’s dumb ideas always involve memes.”

The trio watched as Bokuto tried to sidle up to Oikawa and was smoothly intercepted by Aone. “Betting time! How long until this one blows over?” Noya asked, bounding over with a grin.

“Two days,” Suga said, the other two nodding in agreement. “There’s no way they make up tonight if Oikawa is getting people to run interference.”

Noya nodded, running back to the 4th years to make the bet official. “It’s kind of sad that we have such a formal betting system for this kind of thing.” Yaku sighed, shooting a glance back to where Aone was still deftly blocking Bokuto from access to Oikawa.

“It keeps our lives exciting,” Sugawara said as the coach called for everyone to circle up for the beginning of practice. Yaku just rolled his eyes.

Most of the team spent practice that day as Bokuto and Kuroo’s every attempt to talk to their boyfriend was rebuffed by Aone or Ushijima. Oikawa was first out of the gym after practice, disappearing without any extra practice while Hinata and Lev distracted Kuroo and Bokuto with excited pestering to help with spiking practice.

Bokuto and Kuroo expected Oikawa to show up at the apartment that night, but they were disappointed; Oikawa didn't dare run the risk of another recorder serenade and stayed on Suga's couch that night.

Second verse was same as the first, as the trio repeated their routine before practice the next day as well. Apparently Kuroo's patience was at an end, as he took the chance to try and make conversation when he, Bokuto, and Oikawa were all in the front line of a practice match. Oikawa was standing on the corner beside Ushijima, with Kuroo directly across the net and Bokuto across the net on the far side. "Are you still this mad?" Kuroo asked, reaching under the net to try and poke Oikawa in the arm.

"Ushiwaka," Oikawa said, leaning back out of Kuroo's range, "please tell Kuroo and Bokuto to keep to their side of the net or I will make sure they stay there."

Ushijima turned so he could talk to Bokuto and Kuroo at the same time. "Kuroo and Bokuto, Oikawa says to -"

"We heard him, he's only a meter away from me," Kuroo snapped, glaring at Oikawa as Bokuto visibly wilted. "Babe, come on, this is getting ridiculous. Just talk to us!"

Oikawa ignored Kuroo, turning to Ushijima. When he spoke, his voice was so sweet that everyone not involved in the conversation took a step back. "Ushiwaka, please tell Kuroo to fuck off."

Ushijima nodded and turned to Kuroo once more. "Kuroo, Oikawa says to -"

"I HEARD HIM!"

"- fuck off."

Kuroo growled at Ushijima, who simply stared back as the coach yelled at them to start the practice match already.

Bokuto, tired of trying to wait out Oikawa's annoyance, left Kuroo to Lev and Hinata's tender mercies in favor of bolting after Oikawa as soon as practice was over. "Tooru!" He called, pushing himself faster when Oikawa seemed to speed up. "Tooru, come on, let me apologize or something!"

Oikawa slowed, turning to give Bokuto an annoyed glance. "Apologize? Really?"

"Come on, I didn't do it to be a jerk," Bokuto said, skidding to a halt just in front of Oikawa. "I thought it would actually be kind of romantic!"

Oikawa raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "I worry about you sense or romance, Kou-chan. You really thought a recorder ballad would be romantic? A recorder anything, really?"

"Well when you put it like that it sounds dumb." Bokuto looked away with a pout.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "At least you tried," he muttered. "I'm sure Tetsu-chan was just messing with me, the jackass."

"Aw, don't be like that, Tooru! Tetsu cares about you a lot!"

"He can care about me and still be a jackass," Oikawa said with confidence, reminiscing on the many many past examples of Kuroo's special brand of affection.

Bokuto laughed, which Oikawa took as agreement with his point, then turned the puppy dog eyes on full force. "So you'll come home, right?"

"Fine," Oikawa muttered, unable to resist the puppy dog eye, "but not right now. I skipped out on extra practice yesterday, so I'm going to practice with Ushiwaka and then come home. I'm still not tossing to you," he said before Bokuto could invite himself to the extra practice. "Get Suga-chan to do it if you want to practice spiking. I'll be home in time for dinner." With that, Oikawa turned on his heel and headed back to the gym, calling for Ushijima.

Bokuto pouted at his boyfriend's back for a moment, then headed to the locker room. A plan was starting to form in the back of his mind, and the only person he really wanted to get extra practice tosses from was Tooru anyways. He started changing, shooting off a quick text to Kuroo as he did; they had a boyfriend to make an apology dinner for.

When Oikawa got home that night, he was greeted with an atmosphere eerily similar to that of two days ago. “I’m home, but if I see even a sliver of a recorder I’m going to Ken-chan and Chibi-chan’s,” he called out, because he agreed to come home but he has his limits.

“Welcome home! There aren’t any, promise!” Bokuto said, bounding up to the door to give Oikawa a quick kiss on the cheek. “I made Tetsu be good.”

“Don’t try and blame that all on me, you legitimately thought it would be cute,” Kuroo called from the kitchen. “Welcome home, Tooru.”

“Something smells good.” Oikawa followed Bokuto to the kitchen and practically started drooling at the feast Kuroo had laid out on the table. “Oh-ho, you really pulled out all the romance stops this time! I’m impressed!”

“I made milk bread for dessert!” Bokuto was so excited he was practically vibrating with it.

“You know the way to my heart.” Oikawa kissed first Bokuto, then Kuroo on the cheeks. “Hand over the recorders now and all will be forgiven.”

Kuroo sighed, but obligingly went to the back room to pull the recorders out from where he’d hidden them. Oikawa grabbed the bottle of caulk he’d gotten from Ushijima and filled first the tops, then the bottoms, then every keyhole of each recorder. “There,” he said triumphantly. “Now let’s eat.”

**Author's Note:**

> Meme abuse is the root cause of like 75% of the nights Oikawa spends on Suga's couch. These three are ridiculous. Please let me know what you thought, first time writing Haikyuu!! fic so I welcome any characterization critiquing!


End file.
